did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
