the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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