Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it's like iHOP with fire
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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