Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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