Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
