i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
don't judge my taste in strippers
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
