she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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