look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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