Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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