piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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