Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's always time for handjobs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize