Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
