Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
