You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
