He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
