I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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