please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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