The maid of honor just puked.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
