Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
