areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
