It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
