guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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