Your tits are I can't wait for
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we made out on top of his cat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
