so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
