best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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