he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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