You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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