She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
