I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
