i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
