Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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