miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
