Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
