Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
