i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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