I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize