I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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