Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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