if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
