he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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