we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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