I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
