Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In America we eat man semen.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
