did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
