i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
