I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
