Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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