i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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