it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
