walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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