morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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