wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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