I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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