1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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