His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
