we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
