the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
