The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
