If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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