dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
