Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
