I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
